This topic is hard but essential. I am by no means an expert or have a heightened understanding of forgiveness but I do know the value of it. To be honest, all we can really do in our interactions with others is forgive. It is really more complicated than that. Here’s my suggestions for forgiving because we probably know it is important or have those things (actions people did in the past) that we just cannot seem to let go and are tortured by. Well here’s what I recommend.
A worthy investment is a spiral bound notebook of ruled paper and some pens. You might spend $4 USD. This is worth the time and money to get these materials. Then, free write on the subject, write without re-reading or editing, write even if it means just scribbles, write knowing that after you finish writing however many pages you are going to crumple them up and burn them so that no one can ever see them. Burning the pages is important. It is not enough to just throw them away and definitely do not leave them in the notebook. One of the points of this is to have a safe outlet to get whatever is in your mind out of your mind without any judgement or holding back. You can only do that successfully if the pages are then burned.
A WORD OF CAUTION. If you do cathartic writing like this make no mistake, someone you do not want to find it will, and they will read it. Even if someone says they love you, they will violate your privacy if tempted. Unless they are a very highly developed, mature and spiritual person who is in a totally calm state they will read through you personal information. This means, burn pages, lock your iPad, lock your iPhone and change passwords on all your devices to things not easily decipherable. Don’t be blind sighted. If something bad can happen it will – so take care of protecting your information. In this technological age you have to spend time every few weeks pruning your chat history, emails, messengers, profiles, etc. Unfortunately perception is reality and the person violating your privacy is looking for something to hold against you and they will find it regardless of the validity of their claim against you with it.
And of course after this person violates you, well, now you have a whole new opportunity to learn to forgive. Write about what they did, free write, let it fly, anything goes – then burn it and take a nap.
A fire pit, or non-flammable bowl serves well to house the burning material. Use caution, buy a cooking lighter (one with length), and be sure to extinguish any ashes. You should also clean out the area and erase traces of your activities. These exercises are for your development not for others to inquire about.