Deception

Deception is a part of nature.  It is an everyday, naturally occurring part of life.  Look at how animals use their fur and coat to blend into surroundings.  Look at the lizards who can change their colors.   The female ducks are brown looking, the male ducks are colorful.  Some animals use these traits to blend in and protect themselves, some to blend in and attack prey easier.  Either way, deception is natural.

deception

Don’t forget, we have an animal biology as well.  Naturally, humans are deceivers.  It is important to acknowledge this in yourself.  Deception is a principle of the world just like gravity or structure.  You deceive others and vice versa.

Perhaps this doesn’t have to be a total downer of a post.  Some deception may be used to cover up things that would appear much worse than they are.  Unfortunately, deception never works out in the context of relationships.  This is why affairs don’t work out and cheating doesn’t work out.  In a relationship there can’t be any deception from the beginning and yet deception is a naturally occurring phenomena.  So how do we ensure that we aren’t sabotaging our relationship?  And how can we trust anyone knowing that it is part of their nature to deceive?

Understanding the intention behind a relationship can help.  Is this relationship just made to pass the time or out of desperation?  Is the primary intention self-serving?  If that’s the case you better watch out.  Try to remove yourself quickly and quietly.  Sometimes getting out of a relationship requires days or weeks of mental pre-paving so that when the tear finally occurs you aren’t left bleeding out.  You may be dating a low quality person, one who has made their intentions clear to you and it doesn’t have anything to do with you or the “us.”  You might be with someone who deceives others about your relationship and deceives you.  You would be in real trouble at this point.  Yet as you begin to separate yourself you become a guilty party in deception.

Look around you, deception IS everywhere.  It is in your nature and everyone you meet’s nature.  How can we cope with this?  Communication is a great start.  If the person you want to clear things up with can’t communicate then they are saying they would rather choose lies than honesty.  You have to turn away from this – you can’t change them and although truthfulness is obviously the better choice for you they may have hidden something so horrendous that for them, the lie is better than the truth.

Ugly isn’t it?  Yet it is part of nature.  So you must accept it.  Take ownership of your contribution and try to clarify your intentions before you move about in this world.  Good luck.

Stay On the Beat but Don’t Rush

I was fortunate enough to have a handful of lessons and days spent with, in my opinion, the greatest trumpet player in the world;  Carl Saunders.  Not only is he an amazing technical bebop player but his tone is bluesy and personal, his range has no limits high or low, and his lines flow endlessly from tasty lick to tasty lick across the complete range of the horn in a one breath phrase longer than expected.  In short, he’s jaw dropping.  See for yourself:

Of course, he could also scat, sing, compose hundreds of tunes, play drums, bass and piano extremely well.  He is truly an extremely talented person.  In my time with him he gave me lots of honest feedback and very wise tips.  I’ve always thought that 70 year olds have the best advice.  They’ve really lived, accomplished much, proven their hold here, and are carefree enough to pass on their honest stories and lessons.

One of my favorite quotes of his was “stay on the beat but don’t rush.”  He was speaking musically but I interpreted this also metaphorically.  It’s about life.  Pay attention to where you are, consciously be aware and stay on the beat – in the moment – but don’t rush.  Don’t get ahead of yourself, don’t overthink or over do anything, just be where you are.

Musical time is also one of those things that gets better with age because it has to do with time itself!  Someone older who has been through many lessons and learned about what stays the same through the changes and the years will have better musical time than a beginning piano student.  Sure, this is because of their difference in experience, training and development but also their experience and understanding of time.  Or the fact that those 3 things take place over time.  So time improves as one gains more experience with time or simply has lived more life.

As CS used to end phone conversations, “stay on the beat, but don’t rush.” 🙂

Are You Going to Make the Change?

Why do you need to stay with something?  Is your dedication appropriate?  Why are you holding on to things that hurt or haven’t been panning out or haven’t been manifesting in the way you expect?  Here’s the thing; it may not be enough to just “let it go.”  You will actually need to change.  Look: life moves forward.  If you need proof just look at how yourself and others bodies are advancing in age and thus changing how they look.  Life is ALL about change.  In fact, that is what the Tai Chi symbol represents at the top of this blog.  The question is:  When you are hitting your head against something will you have the courage the CHANGE?

change

Let’s look at what change really means.  For starters, it does not mean taking a thought and saying, “OK, I won’t think that anymore,” or “I’ll adjust that thought or avoid that one or,” etc.  Change requires action to be real.  In fact, everything requires action to be real.  Intention is where you set your course of action but the actual result is where life happens.  Make the change.  That thing you are holding on to…a career, a relationship, a mentor, a belief, a job, a car, etc… it is actually holding you back.  You have to make a change.  Don’t be afraid.  In the making the change you are allowing for something much better to enter into your life.

Change is hard and scary at first but totally worth it in the end.  And when you’ve made a change and progress down that path for a while, great! but it will probably eventually be time for another change.  You will always be changing or rather, you should always need to be changing.  Don’t get stuck.  Change!!  You will still be there.  As you change you get a chance to drop some of your negative or non-helpful beliefs and add or emphasize more positive beliefs.  Optimism is really the ultimate goal for state of mind.  No matter how glorious something seems if it is making you feel something other than positive you must change, not just think, “ok I’ll let it go”…but change!  Now we are back to intention.  Keep your intention to feel optimistic and good, keep that above all other attachments, and you will keep changing for the better.

Intention leads the energy leads the action.  So your action is what needs to manifest.  You may be scared, you may think you are missing something but let’s be honest:  that thing you are holding onto is not working out!  That’s all you need to know. You should only be pursuing what is working out for you.  Always move on, keep moving on.  When you find the “right fits” they will be moving on with you and together you can progress towards better and better feelings.

You can’t change anyone.  You can influence people to an extent. You can’t alter the past.  When your dedication to something is not working out…job, person, relationship, dream, career, ideals, goals…then change them.  It was never your dream to have a dream that isn’t coming true was it?  So change the dream.  It was never your goal to have a goal that just isn’t happening.  The relationship you want is not one that you need to keep chasing around.  Let them go by changing.  Don’t be afraid, it’s natural, but better is beyond this!

It’s Not So Bad to Be Cheated

This topic sucks and may strike a nerve.  It was a huge push button topic for me for a long time.  However, the only real way to deal with the uncomfortable subject of being cheated on is to accept that it happened and it’s not really such a big deal.  Seems crazy right?  The fact is, it happens all the time.  People of a certain level will always be plotting to leave you and move on to the more convenient or exciting thing.  The way to circumvent this is to not attract people on that level or below.  Unfortunately, that can be hard to do as most humans don’t try to evolve or stay evolved and biology is a tricky persuasive racket.  It is not about being judgmental.  It is about being someone, yourself, who is trustworthy.

trustworthy

People can operate at a level of only violence and sex – many people actually do go here for their intimate relationships.  That’s called an animal level or biological level.  Above that people can operate on a social level – they’ll care about their reputation, appearances, what their peers think.  Both of those levels are not trustworthy.  They lack benevolent intention and integrity.

Integrity means your actions and words are integrated into one direction.  Always trust someones actions and do not trust their words.  You cannot trust words.  Trust actions.  Someone who says they’ll do things but doesn’t do them does not have integrity and cannot be trusted.  Don’t be a fool and trust something that isn’t trustworthy.  That is asking for trouble.

If a person can get beyond social mind they will have still far to go and a difficult journey through the harsh realities and triviality of life and growth before they can operate from a level of spirit or world wide love.  This is where you’ll find benevolent and trustworthy people.

So, think of all the people you know, how many have risen above animal and social levels?  How many have done the work along the journey of maturity, growth and spirituality?  Probably very few let’s be honest.  So that is how many people are trustworthy – very few.  Growth is not an easy journey, in fact it is excruciating at times.  Unless someone REALLY wants to evolve and grow they will not do it because it just takes too much work!

Therefore, if you get cheated, it is not such a bad thing.  The cheater simply doesn’t know better.  They can’t act better.  She only knows how to cheat on all her boyfriends and you were no exception.  If you could look back perhaps you saw it coming.  You after all are the one who chose her.  So, learn a lesson – that’s not a bad thing, it’s a great thing!!  Most people will cheat and if you aren’t deliberately choosing based on honest criteria you’ll get cheated on.  But again, the only way to really rise above it is to, yourself, change.  You have to be a trustworthy person, you have to have integrity and benevolence from the get go.  If you can become this and stay this then you will simply not attract those operating at less trustworthy levels.  Why would a trustworthy woman choose to be with a not trustworthy man?  So you see, you’ll only find a trustworthy mate by being one yourself.  If you work on achieving this, you’ve done more than most, though you still need to be discerning about who you choose to trust.  Be careful, look where you are stepping.