Men are, women are

Men are strength and love.

Women are warmth and love.

fire_and_water_by_gorilla_ink

Women are water.  Men are fire.  Yin Yang.  How does it all fit together?  How can it find harmony?  What is the whole we are a part of?

Well I’m not completely sure about the women part but this morning an idea came to me that simplified the entire male female dynamic.  If we can remove our standards and ideals and see how situations occur we stand a chance at seeing the compatibility and similarities we share.

It’s a good thing to believe men are love.  Men are sometimes misinterpreted because they try to use strength in the wrong situation, wrong time, or wrong way.  Men are incredibly strong not just physically but the way of being of a somewhat developed man often includes strength.  This can be as discipline, confidence, directness, goal achieving or willingness to try.  The goal of these ‘strength’ attributes is to achieve more love.

Women have something men don’t.  They have a certain loveliness and warmth.  They use this to achieve more love.  I don’t really understand women or how this attribute works but it can be seen in their physical beauty, their flirty way of being, their receptivity, supportiveness, kindness, and nurturing qualities.

Now, see how when one side can’t understand the other that a man could be bitter about women as manipulative and a woman could be warded off by a man’s aggressiveness.  Really they are just both trying to get the same thing:  love.

So this post is about trying to simplify the way men/women are perceived as a part of the same whole with two diametric ways of moving energy.  If a man and a woman can learn to work together and understand each other, to be generous and extend good will, patience, and security, then they can see that strength and warmth are actually the perfect compliments for one another.

Guys, appreciate the warmth you get from a woman as her ultimate gift.  You are lucky when a woman shows you warmth.  Ladies, appreciate when a man expresses something with strength.  It means he wants to achieve love.  Its just that these are the only ways these two sexes know how.  Drop your standards and ideals about what they should be doing or not doing.  Recognise their efforts to connect with you.

What are your principles and values?  If you drop your shoulds and should nots then you are freed to make choices of action rather than reactions or vindicated sentences.  If I could drop any part of my personality it would be my tendency to be vindictive.  Once these things are gone, your principles and values will be free to direct your action.  So if your principle is love and your value is space then you can realise a woman will give you attention when she wants to.  If she doesn’t, she doesn’t and there’s nothing you can do about it.  Relevant to anyone out there dating.  Same for women, if a man is texting you it’s because he likes you.  If he isn’t he isn’t.

 

Love, an epiphany

I just recently moved to Hong Kong for an exciting new job.  Lucky me – I get to help start an instrumental music program at an innovative international school.  It has been a fantastic experience thus far and what’s more is that I get to live in Hong Kong where I can experience new food, language, and culture.  I love the city, it’s great transit, and the loads of things to do.

One main reason I chose this place is because here it is not weird to be seen doing tai chi or any qigong in public spaces.  In fact when renting my flat, my top non-negotiable was that it was very near the largest park in HK; Victoria Park.  It’s awesome!  I found a great sifu (Chinese for teacher/master) to study Dong style tai chi. I got a fancy new radio with alarm and have been using it to get up at 4:30AM daily to go practice tai chi in the park in the moonlight as the sun rises until 6:15AM.  I’m not alone either.  There are dozens of other folks out in the park this time of day doing tai chi or qigong. So in this morning’s practice I had an epiphany; such is the result of a good tai chi practice. I learned more about what love is.

It’s true that everyone will let you down.  In fact, any partner you pick will have things you really like about them – that’s why you chose them.  But to be sure every partner will also have moments of disappointing you in a big way.  It’s unavoidable.  It’s human.  Hopefully it’s not too extreme but I’m talking about some big nasty stuff.

It’s kind of a funny joke – you choose to love someone and you know that they are eventually, in some capacity, going to send you bad vibes.  Maybe by cheating or being abusive but hopefully something less upsetting like just being rude or demanding.  But because you chose to love this person you are acknowledging and accepting that you will put up with the unpleasantness. You choose to accept their bad.

Usually when I love someone I’m totally into it until they show me a side I dislike.  But now I see, you agree to accept those sides when you decide to love them.  So, in my case, I’ll need to pick better next time so I get someone with less extreme dark sides but even when she disappoints or upsets me I’ll need to let it slide and approach it with a “well I knew that was going to happen” attitude and not let it end the relationship because they failed to be perfect.

To love someone really means acknowledging and accepting their worst sides.  Be wise and get to know who you are dealing with – try to see their absolute worst side before you commit to loving them.  I do think there are some dark sides that are not acceptable for my taste.  Regardless, think of it as a funny joke.  Loving someone doesn’t mean good feelings.  Perhaps just the opposite loving someone means dealing with all their badness.  She/he will always let you down.

love psycho

A funny thing about animal instinct

I heard this the other day over a casual dinner with a good and wise friend.  It really knocked me out, really blew my mind.  I can only paraphrase but her idea was that in most cases your animal instinct helps you.  It helps you to avoid dangerous situations EXCEPT in the case of physical attraction.  Think about the truth of that and the painful almost comical irony.

Your animal instinct serves to protect you in all (most) areas except physical attraction in which case it does the exact opposite of help protect you.  Wow.  There it is. Biological racket much?

Trap

In every area your animal instinct helps protect you except in fidelity.  Your biology encourages you to take action towards hook-ups.  It does not encourage you to stop, turn around, say no.  and it affects EVERYONE, you, your girlfriend, your ex’s, your spouse, everyone.

Why?  I guess it could be the fact that sex is needed for reproduction and your biology doesn’t care about or honor fidelity or exclusive relationships?  What does it want – for everyone to get pregnant all the time?  I don’t understand this situation.  Or at least I have a racket about it.  Don’t particularly like knowing that I’ve been cheated on or that ex’s are being with new people or that no matter what my partner will be experiencing others hitting on her, others wanting to be with her and she will have those urges with people aside from me as well.

My wise friend also said something positive when I complained about the desperation of this situation.  Responding to my whining about my partner will always be receiving offers from other men, my friend said that my partner can say “no.”  Again, mind blown.  I just keep coming back to the same beginning:  don’t pick someone who cheats or who isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship.  Unfortunately the hole in that strategy is that many will claim that they are but…

So what does it take to be a human who is choosing to rise above their animal instinct to mate with anyone of the opposite sex?  What are the signs?  What to look for?