Tell him/her when you decide to move on

The title pretty much says it all.  You should keep your partner in the loop.  You should especially keep your partner in the loop if you know they are making plans that involve you.  This could include a trip to go see you, spending money on gifts for you, or saying no to other work or relationship opportunities in order to keep on track with being with you.  Don’t be a jerk or worse!

partners

Here’s a bad scenario.  You make a move and it changes how you feel about your relationship.  You don’t tell your partner this.  As you go on through your daily life you start to notice new people, potential new people you could date etc.  Your partner is starting to annoy you with their neediness.  Maybe they are wondering why you aren’t talking more seriously to them or showing more commitment.  Perhaps they aren’t being needy but they are expressing a yearning for more.  It occurs to you as needy because you are no longer putting your attention or energy to them – you are moving on.  You could solve tons of issues right there by being honest and expressing yourself, “I am moving on because my feelings have changed and I’m being responsible and respectful by letting you know.”  To not do this is irresponsible and disrespectful.  Please honor the relationship which is supposed to be a partnership.  You partner needs to know if their other half is coming or going like the two puzzle pieces pictured above.  How sad would it be for the one cartoon to be stuck trying to piece together his puzzle when the other part is absent?

What happens when you don’t come clean is that you start to blame your partner for being too needy or you start to accuse them of cheating or looking for reasons that they had already checked out of the relationship.  The fact is you are the one who has left the relationship.  If it goes on even longer the manipulative convolutions increase.  You are the one who has cheated or has flirtatious messages all over your phone.

Let’s say you are a real dishonest person.  You will spend the rest of their life never owning up to the fact that you have not given your partner the truth.  Then you say your ex was crazy, you build cases to make you right and the ex wrong.  Werner Erhard said it well, “You would rather be right than be loved.”  And to think it could all  have been avoided if you would have just said at the time you decided that you were going to leave the relationship.  Don’t be fake, inauthentic or insincere.  You PARTNER is counting on you.

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