Deception is a part of nature. It is an everyday, naturally occurring part of life. Look at how animals use their fur and coat to blend into surroundings. Look at the lizards who can change their colors. The female ducks are brown looking, the male ducks are colorful. Some animals use these traits to blend in and protect themselves, some to blend in and attack prey easier. Either way, deception is natural.
Don’t forget, we have an animal biology as well. Naturally, humans are deceivers. It is important to acknowledge this in yourself. Deception is a principle of the world just like gravity or structure. You deceive others and vice versa.
Perhaps this doesn’t have to be a total downer of a post. Some deception may be used to cover up things that would appear much worse than they are. Unfortunately, deception never works out in the context of relationships. This is why affairs don’t work out and cheating doesn’t work out. In a relationship there can’t be any deception from the beginning and yet deception is a naturally occurring phenomena. So how do we ensure that we aren’t sabotaging our relationship? And how can we trust anyone knowing that it is part of their nature to deceive?
Understanding the intention behind a relationship can help. Is this relationship just made to pass the time or out of desperation? Is the primary intention self-serving? If that’s the case you better watch out. Try to remove yourself quickly and quietly. Sometimes getting out of a relationship requires days or weeks of mental pre-paving so that when the tear finally occurs you aren’t left bleeding out. You may be dating a low quality person, one who has made their intentions clear to you and it doesn’t have anything to do with you or the “us.” You might be with someone who deceives others about your relationship and deceives you. You would be in real trouble at this point. Yet as you begin to separate yourself you become a guilty party in deception.
Look around you, deception IS everywhere. It is in your nature and everyone you meet’s nature. How can we cope with this? Communication is a great start. If the person you want to clear things up with can’t communicate then they are saying they would rather choose lies than honesty. You have to turn away from this – you can’t change them and although truthfulness is obviously the better choice for you they may have hidden something so horrendous that for them, the lie is better than the truth.
Ugly isn’t it? Yet it is part of nature. So you must accept it. Take ownership of your contribution and try to clarify your intentions before you move about in this world. Good luck.