Deception

Deception is a part of nature.  It is an everyday, naturally occurring part of life.  Look at how animals use their fur and coat to blend into surroundings.  Look at the lizards who can change their colors.   The female ducks are brown looking, the male ducks are colorful.  Some animals use these traits to blend in and protect themselves, some to blend in and attack prey easier.  Either way, deception is natural.

deception

Don’t forget, we have an animal biology as well.  Naturally, humans are deceivers.  It is important to acknowledge this in yourself.  Deception is a principle of the world just like gravity or structure.  You deceive others and vice versa.

Perhaps this doesn’t have to be a total downer of a post.  Some deception may be used to cover up things that would appear much worse than they are.  Unfortunately, deception never works out in the context of relationships.  This is why affairs don’t work out and cheating doesn’t work out.  In a relationship there can’t be any deception from the beginning and yet deception is a naturally occurring phenomena.  So how do we ensure that we aren’t sabotaging our relationship?  And how can we trust anyone knowing that it is part of their nature to deceive?

Understanding the intention behind a relationship can help.  Is this relationship just made to pass the time or out of desperation?  Is the primary intention self-serving?  If that’s the case you better watch out.  Try to remove yourself quickly and quietly.  Sometimes getting out of a relationship requires days or weeks of mental pre-paving so that when the tear finally occurs you aren’t left bleeding out.  You may be dating a low quality person, one who has made their intentions clear to you and it doesn’t have anything to do with you or the “us.”  You might be with someone who deceives others about your relationship and deceives you.  You would be in real trouble at this point.  Yet as you begin to separate yourself you become a guilty party in deception.

Look around you, deception IS everywhere.  It is in your nature and everyone you meet’s nature.  How can we cope with this?  Communication is a great start.  If the person you want to clear things up with can’t communicate then they are saying they would rather choose lies than honesty.  You have to turn away from this – you can’t change them and although truthfulness is obviously the better choice for you they may have hidden something so horrendous that for them, the lie is better than the truth.

Ugly isn’t it?  Yet it is part of nature.  So you must accept it.  Take ownership of your contribution and try to clarify your intentions before you move about in this world.  Good luck.

It’s Not So Bad to Be Cheated

This topic sucks and may strike a nerve.  It was a huge push button topic for me for a long time.  However, the only real way to deal with the uncomfortable subject of being cheated on is to accept that it happened and it’s not really such a big deal.  Seems crazy right?  The fact is, it happens all the time.  People of a certain level will always be plotting to leave you and move on to the more convenient or exciting thing.  The way to circumvent this is to not attract people on that level or below.  Unfortunately, that can be hard to do as most humans don’t try to evolve or stay evolved and biology is a tricky persuasive racket.  It is not about being judgmental.  It is about being someone, yourself, who is trustworthy.

trustworthy

People can operate at a level of only violence and sex – many people actually do go here for their intimate relationships.  That’s called an animal level or biological level.  Above that people can operate on a social level – they’ll care about their reputation, appearances, what their peers think.  Both of those levels are not trustworthy.  They lack benevolent intention and integrity.

Integrity means your actions and words are integrated into one direction.  Always trust someones actions and do not trust their words.  You cannot trust words.  Trust actions.  Someone who says they’ll do things but doesn’t do them does not have integrity and cannot be trusted.  Don’t be a fool and trust something that isn’t trustworthy.  That is asking for trouble.

If a person can get beyond social mind they will have still far to go and a difficult journey through the harsh realities and triviality of life and growth before they can operate from a level of spirit or world wide love.  This is where you’ll find benevolent and trustworthy people.

So, think of all the people you know, how many have risen above animal and social levels?  How many have done the work along the journey of maturity, growth and spirituality?  Probably very few let’s be honest.  So that is how many people are trustworthy – very few.  Growth is not an easy journey, in fact it is excruciating at times.  Unless someone REALLY wants to evolve and grow they will not do it because it just takes too much work!

Therefore, if you get cheated, it is not such a bad thing.  The cheater simply doesn’t know better.  They can’t act better.  She only knows how to cheat on all her boyfriends and you were no exception.  If you could look back perhaps you saw it coming.  You after all are the one who chose her.  So, learn a lesson – that’s not a bad thing, it’s a great thing!!  Most people will cheat and if you aren’t deliberately choosing based on honest criteria you’ll get cheated on.  But again, the only way to really rise above it is to, yourself, change.  You have to be a trustworthy person, you have to have integrity and benevolence from the get go.  If you can become this and stay this then you will simply not attract those operating at less trustworthy levels.  Why would a trustworthy woman choose to be with a not trustworthy man?  So you see, you’ll only find a trustworthy mate by being one yourself.  If you work on achieving this, you’ve done more than most, though you still need to be discerning about who you choose to trust.  Be careful, look where you are stepping.

Forgiveness, free writing, burning

This topic is hard but essential.  I am by no means an expert or have a heightened understanding of forgiveness but I do know the value of it.  To be honest, all we can really do in our interactions with others is forgive.  It is really more complicated than that.  Here’s my suggestions for forgiving because we probably know it is important or have those things (actions people did in the past) that we just cannot seem to let go and are tortured by.  Well here’s what I recommend.

A worthy investment is a spiral bound notebook of ruled paper and some pens.  You might spend $4 USD.  This is worth the time and money to get these materials.  Then, free write on the subject, write without re-reading or editing, write even if it means just scribbles, write knowing that after you finish writing however many pages you are going to crumple them up and burn them so that no one can ever see them.  Burning the pages is important.  It is not enough to just throw them away and definitely do not leave them in the notebook.  One of the points of this is to have a safe outlet to get whatever is in your mind out of your mind without any judgement or holding back.  You can only do that successfully if the pages are then burned.

fire

A WORD OF CAUTION.  If you do cathartic writing like this make no mistake, someone you do not want to find it will, and they will read it.  Even if someone says they love you, they will violate your privacy if tempted.  Unless they are a very highly developed, mature and spiritual person who is in a totally calm state they will read through you personal information.  This means, burn pages, lock your iPad, lock your iPhone and change passwords on all your devices to things not easily decipherable.  Don’t be blind sighted.  If something bad can happen it will – so take care of protecting your information.  In this technological age you have to spend time every few weeks pruning your chat history, emails, messengers, profiles, etc.  Unfortunately perception is reality and the person violating your privacy is looking for something to hold against you and they will find it regardless of the validity of their claim against you with it.

And of course after this person violates you, well, now you have a whole new opportunity to learn to forgive.  Write about what they did, free write, let it fly, anything goes – then burn it and take a nap.

A fire pit, or non-flammable bowl serves well to house the burning material.  Use caution, buy a cooking lighter (one with length), and be sure to extinguish any ashes.  You should also clean out the area and erase traces of your activities.  These exercises are for your development not for others to inquire about.